just blabbering

May be this happens in everyone's life; but I can be sure only of myself. Let me borrow a term I have picked up from some old mail - Quarter Life Crisis.

Everything looks so great from outside. Good job, reasonable pay, maximum city, independence and what not. But why am I feeling so lost at times? Rather, most of the times.

I can't say that I always had a dream of making it big in some field, all I ever craved for was to do what I like. I always had the freedom; freedom to choose Maths over Biology, freedom to choose Management over a Tech life, the place I wanted to work and all that I could want. It was always my decision. And now when I am here where everyone thinks I am the epitome of self-reliance and all of those related terms, why am I feeling so blank?

It is this when I think "what next" I am bewildered. All I know is that something is missing in life, but what?

There was a time when I didn't want a single room as I hated the loneliness. But now I am getting more and more addicted to the solitude. It embarasses me when someone sneaks into my space. And finally when I make a deliberate effort to gel with the rest, it is worse.

I speak home, or AJ and their voices come from so far some land. It is Greek & Latin. I know it is raining there, I know you are concerned about my Apartment hunting, I know that you want me home, I know all that. But Why am I so numb?

Or am I just imagining things up? Is it the fact I have absolutely no friends in this city? How do I strike a balance?

Something is wrong. And it scares me.